........

I wish this pain would go away... I'm sick of seeing you care about everyone except your "best friend" sick of things going how they are, sick of you... I'm falling deeper and deeper back into my depression, I'm lying to myself saying I'll be okay. I can't get out of this by myself like I wish I could... I'm stuck... I can't just drop her, because I supposedly mean so much to her. I just want her to be happy... If I go, she'll be sad, at least for awhile, and I can't stand to see myself making her that way. I'm hopelessly in love with her, still... :( I wish I could just move on, but I'm stuck... Ugh :'(

Deep Breaths....

It's been a long time... I keep almost losing one of my best friends, well, she denies that she would go, but her actions speak differently. I've been crying a lot, and I've been in tremendous amounts of pain. Heart, that's gone... Shattered, destroyed, but still hers... I don't think I'll get it back any time soon. I've tried, hell, I've even had a girlfriend, but it wasn't the same, the feelings were different. I fell so hard for this girl that I can't get back up and I can't get out of it. I'm acting very recklessly because it feels like I'm losing her. I'm doing anything I possibly can to keep her around... I don't think I could handle it if I lost her... I don't even want to think about that, the thought scares me way too much... I'm going to try something, I'll probably fail hardcore, but I'm going to try to pull myself away... See what she does, if she lets me go or if she tries to get me to stay. I honestly don't want to go, but I might have to... She won't even talk to me anymore, not very much anyways, and she freaks out at the slightest thing now... It's so confusing to me...