I hate people...

You keep saying that you wish that we had a chance to be together, now that it's come, you might decide that you want to be with him instead? What is wrong with this picture? I mean really, you've sat here telling me that you love me for a couple months, but now what, you're sick of me before we even had a chance at being together? So much for that being your 11:11 wish..... Why do I always fall for girls that just end up hurting me.... If this doesn't work out I'm just done with girls...

Hello, my name is Psycho

So, with me, I don't dream often. When I do, part if not all of the dream tends to happen in real life. If just really weird.... Anyways, couple of nights ago had this bad dream that I remember very definitively I saw this girl that just broke up with her boyfriend with the other guy. Tore me apart, I've been having a tough time not just pushing myself away from her, but I feel like she needs me, so I'm not leaving. Yeah, I'm probably going to get hurt, but she matters more to me than that. If she's happy, then oh well...

Sigh...

So, she told him, and left him. Idk what to do now. I know she needs time, but it kills me to see her with other people... She supposedly wants to be with me... that's what she's been telling me, but it's looking like I'm just going to get left behind, again... Ugh, I hate this so much... The kid is just using her too... I know that for a fact. She's gonna end up getting hurt again if she goes with him. I hope she chooses to go with me, but I know she probably won't.... She'll make up some excuse saying she's not good enough for me or something.... I completely disagree with that, but whatever... One month, that's what she told me, one month and we'd be together. What if she's with the other guy in less than a month.... Wouldn't surprise me... I don't know if I could take it... Prom's coming up in a little less than two months. I know what her favorite flowers are, I'll get her a dozen and ask, see what she says.... Sigh....

Drama, yay....

I'm trying to get over this girl for several reasons. One of which is that she wants me to because she doesn't think she's worthy of me. My friends don't want me to be with her, and I'm getting sick of waiting on her. I really don't want to drop her though. I see her as this amazing person that no one else sees. We're pretty much the same. She thinks she's worthless, and thinks that I am this amazing person. I think I'm worthless and I know she's an amazing person. She doesn't think she's good enough for me, I'm not good enough for her.... To make matters worse, the girl that I'm setting my eyes on is just as amazing, if not more amazing. I've also already tried once with this girl, and she didn't want to be with me, but we've both grown up... I just don't know. I have this creeping feeling that she'll just hurt me again if I try to start anything with her...

Down the rabbit hole (into my mind)

I'm such a nerd, haha, just look at the title of my blog, "Matrix" reference... Anyways. My mind is a scary place don't know if you wanna join me in this adventure.... I've had lots of problems in my life that I just don't talk to anyone about. I've done stupid things to keep myself going. I've fallen into depression. I pretend I've gotten out, but I haven't. At least I stopped cutting myself though... So glad that didn't scar..... Pill popping, is reduced. Suicide attempts, and thoughts have at least subsided. Last attempt was a long time ago (well over 2 years) my last near attempt was about two years ago. This thing called "life" it sucks. I don't know why I'm here. I don't feel like I belong here. No one gets me really. I'm just the freaky kid no one likes pretty much...

Hell.. and my insanity

I feel like I'm not worth much to anyone. No one wants me around as anything more than a friend. I try and I try, but nothing ever happens. Girls I like don't like me, but don't want to hurt me because I'm a nice guy, so they lead me on for months and months hoping I'll move on. The only relationships I've been in, I didn't start. I didn't even really want to be in them, but I was too nice to say no, besides what if they did work out? I tried making them work, but then I was just left after I started getting attached. I'm so sick of just being hurt and used. I guess that me asking for someone that actually likes me, is too much to ask for? Sigh...... oh well....

Just lost...

My "best friend" cheated on her boyfriend with the one person I told her to stay away from. She made me promise not to tell anyone about it, but her boyfriend really deserves to know. I've talked her into telling him herself. Hopefully she actually listens to me this time. If she doesn't I'm going to tell him. She's cheated on him before, and he really deserves someone that is more compatible with him. They have their problems and their relationship is going nowhere. They've been steadily getting worse and worse and it really just needs to end. She's been stringing him along for far too long. The relationship might as well already be over, she's obviously done with it... Oh well... I can't do anything about it for the time being. Just wish she would listen to me...