It's Been Awhile

Recently, life has been pretty amazing, I have an amazing girlfriend that loves me and cares about me. I love everything about her, except for her low self image, but we're working on that :) we've been together for awhile, and life has honestly never been better for me, I love being with and around her, she makes me happy just by talking to me, she's everything I could ever want in a girl, and I never want to lose her. I can honestly see a future with this girl, a bright and happy one at that, I would love to spend all my time with her. We get along simply beautifully, and I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life.

Turnaround

Life's looking up. I've had a girlfriend come and go, I learned stuff about myself, and I know she learned a lot, I hope that it was overall a good experience for her... Anyways, I'm onto a new girl now, and she's everything I could ever hope for, she understands me, she's easy to talk to, she loves talking to me, she makes me smile, and I make her smile, we have the same taste in music, we have fairly similar pasts, and I like basically everything I know about her! Oh, and best of all, she really likes me! (she has told me this, but I can kinda tell too, hehe.) Anyways, I'm pretty crazy about her, and things are looking good between us. Wish me luck ^-^

........

I wish this pain would go away... I'm sick of seeing you care about everyone except your "best friend" sick of things going how they are, sick of you... I'm falling deeper and deeper back into my depression, I'm lying to myself saying I'll be okay. I can't get out of this by myself like I wish I could... I'm stuck... I can't just drop her, because I supposedly mean so much to her. I just want her to be happy... If I go, she'll be sad, at least for awhile, and I can't stand to see myself making her that way. I'm hopelessly in love with her, still... :( I wish I could just move on, but I'm stuck... Ugh :'(

Deep Breaths....

It's been a long time... I keep almost losing one of my best friends, well, she denies that she would go, but her actions speak differently. I've been crying a lot, and I've been in tremendous amounts of pain. Heart, that's gone... Shattered, destroyed, but still hers... I don't think I'll get it back any time soon. I've tried, hell, I've even had a girlfriend, but it wasn't the same, the feelings were different. I fell so hard for this girl that I can't get back up and I can't get out of it. I'm acting very recklessly because it feels like I'm losing her. I'm doing anything I possibly can to keep her around... I don't think I could handle it if I lost her... I don't even want to think about that, the thought scares me way too much... I'm going to try something, I'll probably fail hardcore, but I'm going to try to pull myself away... See what she does, if she lets me go or if she tries to get me to stay. I honestly don't want to go, but I might have to... She won't even talk to me anymore, not very much anyways, and she freaks out at the slightest thing now... It's so confusing to me...

I hate people...

You keep saying that you wish that we had a chance to be together, now that it's come, you might decide that you want to be with him instead? What is wrong with this picture? I mean really, you've sat here telling me that you love me for a couple months, but now what, you're sick of me before we even had a chance at being together? So much for that being your 11:11 wish..... Why do I always fall for girls that just end up hurting me.... If this doesn't work out I'm just done with girls...

Hello, my name is Psycho

So, with me, I don't dream often. When I do, part if not all of the dream tends to happen in real life. If just really weird.... Anyways, couple of nights ago had this bad dream that I remember very definitively I saw this girl that just broke up with her boyfriend with the other guy. Tore me apart, I've been having a tough time not just pushing myself away from her, but I feel like she needs me, so I'm not leaving. Yeah, I'm probably going to get hurt, but she matters more to me than that. If she's happy, then oh well...

Sigh...

So, she told him, and left him. Idk what to do now. I know she needs time, but it kills me to see her with other people... She supposedly wants to be with me... that's what she's been telling me, but it's looking like I'm just going to get left behind, again... Ugh, I hate this so much... The kid is just using her too... I know that for a fact. She's gonna end up getting hurt again if she goes with him. I hope she chooses to go with me, but I know she probably won't.... She'll make up some excuse saying she's not good enough for me or something.... I completely disagree with that, but whatever... One month, that's what she told me, one month and we'd be together. What if she's with the other guy in less than a month.... Wouldn't surprise me... I don't know if I could take it... Prom's coming up in a little less than two months. I know what her favorite flowers are, I'll get her a dozen and ask, see what she says.... Sigh....